what’s good world? i see/hear/witness/experience some of the dumbest/illogical/most brainless shit/people on a day2day basis. gonna give ya’ll a peek inside my crowded head via this new blog of mine. welcome to my mind, perception & thought. also check me out over at my (impersonal) other blog.
ever been ADORED? ever been adored by someone special u adore? ever threw that adoration away for no sane reason at all??? yeah? then u feel me…u know my pain. u know the self-disgust. u’re one with the shame. ure all too familiar with the somewhat negative self image i carry day in & day out (now).
why on earth did i step on one of few existing & unique flowers in my yard? who the fuck do i think i am? sure, build a house to burn it down…THAT’S the way to go. yeah…right.
gone is trust, confidence, comfort, pure love, ADORATION, conversation & pressureless companionship. do i have issues? DO I HAVE ISSUES !!!??? shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. how long will the d&g shades hide my embarrasment (if its hiding it at all)? damn, the things that words cant really express…
forgiveness? yeah. self-forgiveness? fuck no. things will never be the same…party over…good night drey….U DUMBASS!!!
moral of my regretfull error is:
dont stab someone in the chest when u live in their heart.
“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” – Oscar Wilde
do i LOVE love her, or do i want her as a lover?
since the bitter part of a sweet relationship is the break-up, i won’t break up anymore. if we can’t break up with eachother, then i can’t break up inside.
what do i REALLY want from you? well, that’s what i’m trying to figure out. does it hurt? yes. does it HURT hurt?? yes. yes, it does. do i love you? yes. do i LOVE love you? yes. yes, i do. do u love me? yes. do you LOVE love me? uhh…i dunno (kanye shrug). well, it’s possible….yeah, i think so….but i’m not sure.
what is it exactly about you? is it beauty? possibly. wait, i got it!!! companionship. i can fuck anyone. but, can i enjoy an intelligent conversation with any one of them? will we ever do the do? will i still have all that LOVE love for you still? will i still crave your company? i wanna say yes…really, i do.
you ONCE swore to me i didn’t know, that i had no idea what was what. i said i did. thought i was sure then. now, not really. actually, i’m so doubtful.
i do know one thing though….i know what’s stopping us. i do.
“my whole life flashed right in front of my eyes.” how many times have we heard this? it actually happened to me a coupla times & led me to a theory.
ok, given that one’s whole life can ‘flash’ in front of one’s eyes moments before death, isn’t it possible there’s a parrallel vision? AFTER death???
now, bear w/ me as i attempt to verbalize thought. if what u know flashes before you cross over, wouldn’t it make sense that what u DON’T know flashes as soon as you die? lemme break it down further. i like to call my theory the ‘period of enlightenment’. as i imagine it, ALL one’s doubt will be cleared. for example, i never knew whether or not this or that female had certain feelings for me…now i know. never knew if my cousin did actually steal my jersey…now i know…4 sure. i know thoughts dont/wont occur postmortem. the period i write of is the few seconds after one dies…b4 becoming ‘energy’…b4 one’s ‘soul’ leaves the physical form…sorta like a purgatory.
ps: SEE THE MOVIE “LIMITLESS”